RomConned.
Not a Romance Comedy.
A Con.
A Romance CON
LOVE(ish)+True Crime... learn how to spot it, avoid it, get out of it, and heal from it.
-with Dating & Relationship Coach
LAUREL HOUSE
(host of "Date Night" on KABC 790am
and eharmony relationship coach)
As seen on CNN, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Vogue, Toronto Sun, Lifehacker, NY Post, LA Magazine, O Magazine, Readers Digest, Vice
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What is a RomCon?
A Rom CON is a Romantic Con or scam. There is a sliding scale of RomCons, from seemingly innocent little lies to downright criminal enterprise. The con can be emotionally damaging, financially draining, or just confusing.
Being RomConned can mean:
Being misled with malicious or just false representations, being stood up, made to pay for an expensive dinner by a dine n’ dasher… , they weren’t who they said or their intentions weren’t what they led with, you were convinced to send sexy selfies, they might manipulate you with threats of distributing them.
And RomCons can be even worse. Much much worse… it can be life-devastating and even almost lethal.
Psychological impact:
Insecurity, sadness, fear, losing trust of self or others.
And what do the conners get out of it?
Money, entertainment, sexual pleasure, satisfying a sad desire to hurt, belittle, or shame someone?
​
Some Romance Cons are Not Intended to Hurt YOU, but instead to Protect THEM.
Maybe they are insecure in their own way- feeling unattractive or unlovable. Maybe they really hope that their victim will truly fall for them once feelings are established and looks and lifestyle of the misled reality, won’t matter because what’s real is what you feel. ​​
Tinder Swindler, Dirty John,
Dine & Dasher
There are a few notorious RomCons that have made it into mainstream media like The Tindler Swindler and Dirty John who manipulated wealthy women to believe they were a variety of different successful identities, only to scam them out of their money and worse. Paul Gonzalez, known as the Dine and Dash dater, did the same. He was actually homeless and found vulnerable women on apps who he promised to take care of, shower with gifts, a beautiful life, and, to start, an extravagant dinner, at which he would order multiple entrees like steak and lobster… then he “got a call” in the middle of the meal and he would take off, leaving the often times single struggling mom with the check that cost half her monthly rent. More than having to pay a bill that they were led to believe was a treat, it was the emotional damage, the distrust, the fear of dating moving forward that was the worst part. It was the embarrassment, shame, and insecurity the ensued.
No matter what the con is, they are all the same in that...
You believed their promises, this “relationship” or that they were real because you wanted it so much that you ignored the red flags, or maybe just orange or yellow flags, so you dismissed inconsistencies, rushed in, and you didn’t ask the necessary questions or question the questionable stories or lack of stories.
According the the FBI...
Americans are “romance scammed” out of around $1billion annually- one of the highest amounts of financial losses when compared to other online crimes, with the majority of victims swindled being divorced, widowed, or disabled women over 40. According to the FBI, the real criminals have this practice down to a science, having honed their skills, frequently using and rehearsing scripts that have a track record of getting the results, plus taking notes on their victims in order to keep track of the lies and better analyze their victim’s areas of weakness in order to best manipulate and exploit them. Sometimes the goal is to bait them into being a transport mule of drugs, money, or illegal goods.
Who are viewed as "easy targets"?
Easy targets appear to have low self-esteem, easily enticed,
craving to be seen and loved.
It might start with little lies, then limits are pushed, and boundaries are crossed, as they test what they can get away with.
The criminal enterprises have scammers trained to get what they want, often using poetry, flowers and other gifts to charm their victims, hooking their feelings, then pulling those heartstrings with stories of severe life circumstances, tragedies, death and injuries… that require immediate financial support to the scammer.